I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
