I puked a lego.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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