New low: just hacked my moms facebook
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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