I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
My Higher Power is John Stamos
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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