Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
