why im i the only drunk person in the library?
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
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