We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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