I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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