What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
