Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
