did you get engaged???
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
