Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
she looked like the before picture.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
