If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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