How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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