She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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