she woke up with a sticky ear
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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