and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize