my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
