Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Terrible idea I love it
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
