My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
