yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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