I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
