Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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