I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
