I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
