Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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