After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
My brain says no but my pants say off.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
