shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
