There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
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