you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
