How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I currently don't understand fingers.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
