And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
