I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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