I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Randomize
