The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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