Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I think i peed on brittanys purse
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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