do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
