Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
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