you're like a bully in the Christmas story
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
