Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
