it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
