Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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