i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
