if i can run in heels then i can drive
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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