He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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