i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
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On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
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I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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