I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
