I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
