I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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