if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
