Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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