It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
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Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
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You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
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