i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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