; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
