So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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