It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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