I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
