So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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