dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
