My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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