My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
